Archive for Bad Jokes – Page 4

Don’t Kiss Your Ass…

An old man, a boy & a donkey were going to town. The boy rode on the donkey & the old man walked. As they went along they passed some people who remarked it was a shame the old man was walking & the boy was riding. 

The man & boy thought maybe the critics were right, so they changed positions. 
Later, they passed some people that remarked, “What a shame, he makes that little boy walk.”  They then decided they both would walk! Soon they passed some more people who thought they were stupid to walk when they had a decent donkey to ride. So, they both rode the donkey.

Now they passed some people that shamed them by saying how awful to put such a load on a poor donkey.   The boy & man said they were probably right, so they decide to carry the donkey.   As they crossed the bridge, they lost their grip on the animal & he fell into the river and drowned.  

Read More→

Texas Gun Ownership

A woman was called in front of a Texas grand jury for manslaughter after she shot a mugger 6 times in the back as he was running away with her purse. He grabbed the purse and ran, she had her hand on the gun in it, and was left with the revolver in her hand.

 When asked by the grand jury why she shot the man 6 times in the back as he was running away, she replied under oath, “Because when I pulled the trigger the seventh time, it only went, ‘click’.” Acquitted of all charges.

Poetry in the making

THESE ARE ENTRIES TO A WASHINGTON POST COMPETITION ASKING FOR A TWO-LINE RHYME WITH THE MOST ROMANTIC FIRST LINE, AND THE LEAST ROMANTIC  SECOND

LINE:

1. My darling, my lover, my beautiful wife:
Marrying you has screwed up my life.

2. I see your face when I am dreaming.
That’s why I always wake up screaming.

3. Kind, intelligent, loving and hot;
This describes everything you are not.

4. Love may be beautiful, love may be bliss, But I only slept with you ’cause I was pissed.

Read More→

Pigs

Last Tuesday, as President Obama got off the Helicopter in front of the White House, he was carrying a baby piglet under each arm.

The squared away Marine guard snaps to attention, Salutes, and says: “Nice pigs, Sir.”

The President replies: “These are not pigs.  These are authentic Arkansas Razorback Hogs.  I got one for Secretary of State Hillary Clinton and I got one for Speaker of the

House Nancy Pelosi.”

Read More→

Fairy Tail One

A beautiful fairy appeared one day to a destitute refugee outside a Maryland immigration office.

‘Good man,’ the fairy said, ‘I’ve been sent here by President Obama and told to grant you three wishes, since you just arrived in the United States with your wife and three children.’

The man told the fairy. ‘Well, where I come from we don’t have good teeth, so I want new teeth, maybe a lot of gold in them.’

The fairy looked at the man’s almost toothless grin and — PING ! — he had a brand new shining set of gold teeth in his mouth!

Read More→