Archive for Biker Humor

There’s a Sheriff in Town

The Local Sheriff of any town waited outside a popular biker bar, hoping for a bust. At closing time as bikers started to leave, he thought he spotted his potential quarry. The man was so obviously inebriated that he could barely walk. He stumbled around the parking lot for a few minutes, looking for his motorcycle.  After trying his keys on five other bikes, he finally found his own bike. He sat on his motorcycle for a good ten minutes, as the other patrons left. He turned his lights on, then off, and again on and off. He started his engine and pull forward into the grass, then stopped.

 Finally, he pulled out onto the road and started to ride away. The Sheriff, waiting for this, turned on his lights and pulled the man over. He administered the breathalyzer test, and to his great surprise, the man blew a 0.00.  The Sheriff  was mystified. “This equipment must be broken!” he exclaimed. “I doubt it,” said the man, “You see, tonight I am the designated decoy… I haven’t had a drink all day!”

Whorehouse Burns Down

MT. VERNON, TEXAS … WHOREHOUSE SUES LOCAL

CHURCH OVER LIGHTNING

STRIKE!

Diamond D’s brothel began construction on an expansion of their building to increase their ever-growing business. In response, the local Baptist Church started a campaign to block the business from expanding — with morning, afternoon, and evening prayer sessions at their church. Work on Diamond D’s progressed right up until the week before the grand reopening when lightning struck the whorehouse and burned it to the ground!

After the cat-house was burned to the ground by the lightning strike, the church folks were rather smug in their outlook, bragging about “the power of prayer.” But late last week ‘Big Jugs’

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Old Bikers

Old Bikers: A lawyer and an old biker are sitting next to each other on a long flight.  The lawyer is thinking that bikers are so dumb that he could get one over on them easily.  So, the lawyer asks if the biker would like to play a fun game.

The biker is tired and just wants to take a nap, so he politely declines and tries to catch a few winks.  The lawyer persists, saying that the game is a lot of fun…. “I ask you a question, and if you don’t know the answer, you pay me only $5.00.  Then you ask me one, and if I don’t know the answer, I will pay you $500.00,” he says.

This catches the biker’s attention and, to keep the lawyer quiet, he agrees to play the game.  The lawyer asks the first question.  “What’s the distance from the Earth to the Moon?”  The biker doesn’t say a word, but reaches into his pocket, pulls out a five-dollar bill, and hands it to the lawyer.

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Biker Night Before Christmas

Twas the night before Christmas, And not until Spring Would a motor be running, not even a Wing.

The bikes are all sleeping, they’re covered and warm, Batteries are tended, nylon covers their form.

My bros were all nestled down snug in their beds, While visions of new chrome danced in their heads.

And I in my do-rag, bike jacket and boots Out shoveling snow and dreaming of scoots.

 

Then from the horizon there came such a clatter My shovel I dropped, what could be the matter?

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Fred the Biker

A cop stops a Harley for traveling faster than the posted speed limit, so he asks the biker his name.

‘Fred,’ he replies.

‘Fred what?’ the officer asks.

‘Just Fred,’ the man responds.

The officer is in a good mood and thinks he might just give the biker a break and, write him out a warning instead of a ticket. The officer then presses him for the last name.

The man tells him that he used to have a last name but lost it.  The officer thinks that he has a nut case on his hands but plays along with it. ‘Tell me, Fred, how did you lose your last name?’

The biker replies, ‘It’s a long story, so stay with me.’  I was born Fred Johnson. I studied hard and got good grades.  

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WOMENS BIKER BAR

A blind man wanders into an all girls biker bar by mistake.

He finds his way to a bar stool and orders some coffee. After sitting
there for a while, he yells to the waiter, “Hey, you wanna hear a blonde
joke?”

The bar immediately falls absolutely silent. In a very deep, husky
voice, the woman next to him says, “Before you tell that joke, sir, I think it
is only fair given that you are blind — that you should know five things:

1. The bartender is a blonde girl with a baseball bat.
2. The bouncer is a blonde girl.
3. I’m a 6 foot tall, 175 lb. blonde woman with a black belt in karate.
4. The woman sitting next to me is blonde and a professional
weightlifter.
5. The lady to your right is blonde and a professional wrestler.

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The Tailgating Woman

The light turned yellow, just in front of him. He did the right thing, stopping at the crosswalk, even though he could have beaten the red light by accelerating through the intersection.

The tailgating woman was furious and honked her horn, screaming in frustration, as she missed her chance to get through the intersection, dropping her cell phone and makeup.

As she was still in mid-rant, she heard a tap on her window and looked up into the face of a very serious police officer. The officer ordered her to exit her car with her hands up.

He took her to the police station where she was searched, fingerprinted, photographed, and placed in a holding cell.

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The inventor of the Harley-Davidson motorcycle died

The inventor of the Harley-Davidson motorcycle, Arthur Davidson, died and went to heaven. At the gates, St. Peter told Arthur. ‘Since you’ve been such a good man and your motorcycles have changed the world, your reward is, you can hang out with anyone you want to in heaven.’

Arthur thought about it for a minute and then said, ‘I want to hang out with God.’

St. Peter took Arthur to the Throne Room, and Introduced him to God.

God recognized Arthur and commented, ‘Okay, so you were the one who invented the Harley-Davidson motorcycle?’

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Ouch

A motorcycle patrolman was rushed to the hospital with an inflamed appendix. The doctors operated and advised him that all was well; however, the patrolman kept feeling something pulling at the hairs in his crotch. Worried that it might be a second surgery and the doctors hadn’t told him about it, he finally got enough energy to pull his hospital gown up enough so he could look at what was making him so uncomfortable. Taped firmly across his pubic hair and private parts were three wide strips of adhesive tape, the kind that doesn’t come off easily — if at all. Written on the tape in large black letters was the sentence, ‘Get well soon . from the nurse in the Jeep you pulled over last week.’

Finally – A crash proof bike!

Helmet Test <---click here!